“My child refuses to wear a jacket to school. What should I do?” Many parents have asked me this question, and I laugh every time. My strong, healthy 25 year old son last wore a jacket when he was ten years old. Well, maybe eleven, but you get the idea.
When my son refused to wear a jacket on a cool, rainy day in fifth grade, I pointed out to him that if he chose not to wear a jacket, he might feel cold and wet. If he chose to wear a jacket, he could always take it off if the rain stopped or if he got too warm. And then I allowed him to make his own choice, and to experience the consequences of his choice. I believe that children must be allowed to make some of their own choices and that people learn from making mistakes.
When deciding what choices to allow your children to make, you need to ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” I believed that the worst that could happen to my son is that he would be cold, wet, and uncomfortable. I could live with that – I was warm, dry, and comfortable because I made a better choice than he did. I also believed that my son was smart enough to learn from his mistake…if indeed he felt it was a mistake.
When I ask parents what’s the worst that can happen if their child does not wear a jacket, I always hear “My child will catch a cold”. Today I found an article that supports my answer of “No, they won’t!” Children’s Health at EverydayHeath.com says “bad weather does not cause colds” and indeed, “cold weather appears to activate the immune system”, actually boosting your child’s ability to fight off a cold.
So this fall, let your child to leave their jacket at home if they make that choice, allow your child to discover for themselves if that was a good choice or bad, and rest assured that the worst that can happen is not so bad after all!
Today President Obama spoke to children in school, encouraging them to work hard, stay in school, and never stop trying to achieve their goals. Although some people have tried to make this a political issue, it isn’t. I don’t understand how anyone, regardless of their political affiliation, can possibly object to our president, or any other intelligent role model, encouraging children to value school and education. Here is a link to President’s Obama sppeech. Read it and decide for yourself. And then discuss it with your kids. What a great teachable moment!http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/09/07/obama.school.speech.pdf
This month Kim Seidel wrote a great article for Bay Area Parent Magazine, and asked me for my opinion on the topic “Ask For Help This School Year”. Kim’s great article highlighted the fact that parents find it hard to ask for help, and yet no parent has all the answers.
It is so interesting to me that moms and dads are so eager to offer advice (which often is appreciated) but have a very tough time asking for help. As I said in the article, “We have these expectations that we should be able to handle it all by ourselves. I don’t know why we think that.”
I think asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, and yet there is no formal training. We can read books, but nothing truly prepares us for the reality of having a child who needs us every minute; who has numerous and varied needs that we are expected to fulfill; and for whom we are totally responsible. Of course we need help – and help will only arrive when we ask for it.
My mother-in-law always told me that “an unhappy mommy cannot raise a happy child”. I didn’t agree with everything she said, but that statement I agree with. Children need parents who are relaxed, confident, happy, and calm.
Please don’t try to do everything by yourself – please understand that the smartest parents ask for the help they need. In fact, you can always ask me. I will help any way I can. My kids are 25 and 21 – and I still ask for help when needed!
Palo Alto Daily
A FAMILY TRAGEDY
In wake of murder-suicide children need candid answers
By Emily Richmond
Palo Alto Daily News Staff (1997)
Palo Alto parents should provide their children with candid answers to questions about the apparent murder-suicide of a J.S. Stanford Middle School student and his parents, a grief counselor said yesterday. Susan Stone, who heads the trauma response unit of Family Service Mid-Peninsula, said parents should be prepared for their children’s grief and fear. “It’s normal for children to be scared and look to their parents for answers,” Stone told the Daily News. “Parents need to listen to their kids and validate their feelings. And parents shouldn’t be afraid to bring the subject up.” Read the rest of this entry »
For parents of teens who lack respect, preschoolers who lack social skills and in-betweens who lack discipline, Susan Stone Belton has a message: Relax and enjoy it.
“We’re so focused on the negative and ready to assume something’s gone wrong,” said Belton, a parenting coach who has known children as a mother, teacher, crisis counselor, guest speaker and friend. “We need to simply enjoy our kids and not worry so much.” Read the rest of this entry »
CUPERTINO, April 22. — Nobody ever said moms were perfect. But their imperfections can be corrected, according to one prominent parenting coach. Susan Stone Belton says that poor ol’ mom usually means well. It’s just that she may be responding emotionally rather than rationally, especially when it comes to raising her kids. “There really are specific ways to deal with the day-to-day crises with kids and end up with successful adults,” she said. A mother of two teenagers herself, Stone Belton has 35 years experience in child raising. She is often called upon by schools and government departments to discuss successful parenting. In honor of Mother’s Day, Stone Belton has issued her 2005 list, “The Five Biggest Mistakes Moms Are Making Today.” Here is her list: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Kids, moms, parenting, raising adults
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